More Than Just For Cleaning Dirt

I love the Swiffer line of products. They make my life easier. I use the little 360 Dusters, the Wet Jet and the Sweeper Vac. They all cut down on the time it takes me to clean my house. They make it smell fantastic while I am cleaning. And now, my Sweeper Vac saves me the trouble of getting too close for comfort to any of the dinosaur sized spiders that make their way into my house late summer and throughout the fall. I am an arachnophobe. I hate those hairy freaks. Who needs that many dang legs? And, why do they think they should live in my house? Because I have such a fear of them, if I have to take care of one that gets into my house because no one else is around to handle it for me, I usually panic and miss hitting it with a shoe or stepping on it. I don't know how it works. I just know that my panic gives me horrendous aim. It can take multiple attempts before I succeed at my little mini-murder. And, as a result, the freaky little too-many legged hairy offender gets warning that I am after him and, about 7 out of 10 times, it gets away and I spend the next several hours freaking out until it emerges again and I get another chance to scare it away, and make a fool out of myself.

But, a few months ago I had a "Light bulb Moment" while standing frozen in place, in my kitchen, as one of those hairy little intruders stared me down. My Swiffer Sweeper Vac would suck that jerk up and keep him in its container until it starved to death. I know...that is severely inhumane and I should be ashamed of myself. But, guess what...it is my house, it is my paralyzing fear, and I will deal with it how I want to. If I am going to be punished in the future for torturing one of His creatures, I will stand in judgment and fess up and hopefully I will be forgiven. But, until that day...let this be a warning to those freaky, hairy, eight legged abominations. You are not welcome in my abode and I will rid you of my home the best way I know how.

Swiffer Sweeper Vac is like my own little Roach Hotel for spiders...Spiders go in but they don't come out!

Millionaire MissMatchmaker

Forgive me if I have posted about this before and, if I weren't so darn lazy, maybe I would comb through all of my old posts to see if I have or not. But, if I have...too bad. It's my blog and I'll repeat myself if I want to. So, :P

Anyway...I have a newly renewed old-fashioned disgust for Patti Stanger of The Millionaire Matchmaker. She is every kind of wrong in my book. She obviously thinks she is stunning and someone with whom other women should model themselves after as she constantly councils the women that she interviews for her millionaires, to straighten their curly hair and color their red hair any shade but red. And, it isn't just the women whose red hair she has such an aversion to. In this evening's episode, she asked a man if he would color his red hair another color and when he refused, she dismissed him. I have seen her call another woman ugly, to her face. The woman she called ugly was infinitely more stunning, gorgeous and beautiful than Patti. Maybe I am biased. I don't see an inch of beauty in Patti. She obviously had her lips blown up and they look awful. If I had to pay her a compliment, it would be that her hair shines like silk. But, it is a horrible style. Her voice is grating. I won't resort to being further insulting to her but, she really aught to take a look in the mirror before she calls the kind of woman who would make Angelina Jolie jealous, ugly.

And, she toots her horn as having "an extremely high success rate" in her matchmaking business. Yet, in probably 99% of the episodes, she has failed miserably at making a match. So, I would like to see where she is pulling her success rate from. Furthermore, she is 49 years old and, recently split from her fiancee. Of course, she blames him, after being together for 6 years, because he didn't want kids. I don't see her as being the nurturing type so, I fear for any children she might have. Anyway, my point is, if she still hasn't made a match for herself, one year from the big 50, how exactly does anyone have faith that she can find their match for them?

I really have a hard time digesting most of what she says. Now and then, she will give good wardrobe advice to some of the women who walk into the interview wearing tops that look like they belong on a girl 3 times younger and 6 times smaller than them. On occasions she will dole out good wardrobe advice to men who look like they came in from climbing a mountain. No one wants to date a shlub and, I agree that too much skin gives the wrong impression of a woman...and I am not a prude. I just think a little bit of cleavage goes a long way.

But, as for her advice that everyone needs to flat iron the crap out of their hair and that red isn't as beautiful as blond, brown or black...I call B.S. What is beautiful to one person is ugly to another, so...who is she to think she has the final say on beauty?

From Zero to 3

Up until this year, I haven't known anyone who was deployed to Afghanistan. And, now I know 3 men. One of them is a High School friend, I worked a summer job with one of them many years ago, and the last one is an acquaintance through a family member. My friend from High School was recently injured so, he is actually on his way back here to the states. And, he is able to retire now so, he will not be going back. Even though he suffered an injury, I'm thrilled for him and his family! But, since he was injured, it seems to have made it even more real for me, that I still know 2 other men in Afghanistan. I don't hear from the guy I worked with back in the day and I worry for him all the time. I don't really know if he is ok. I don't know how things are for him in Afghanistan and I just keep him, and his safety, on my mind and hope that he is doing well. The friend of my family member was deployed in June so, he is halfway through with his deployment. One of his friends posts a lot of pictures of him and his unit on Facebook and always tags him in them. Seeing those pictures is surreal for me. There is a lot of sitting around behind big rocks while holding huge big boy guns, smoking cigarettes and probably just chatting away their hours. To be honest, the first set of pictures he and his friend posted back in June, brought me to tears. Even though they were all posing and goofing off, I couldn't help but be taken by the sheer danger of it. There is never a time, when they are outside of their rooms, that they aren't holding their guns. Someone is always looking out in the background so that, even when they are trying to pass the time and feel a little normal by goofing off a little, someone is always looking out for their well-being. It is poetically disturbing. So, I worry for the 2 men that I know in Afghanistan. I hope for the quick recovery of my friend who is on his way back to the states. I wish I could keep in constant contact with my ex-coworker, or at least hear from him once in a very short while, so that I can know that he is safe. And, I keep an eye on the pictures of my family member's friend on Facebook, and his few Status Updates, and that helps me to know that he is doing ok. But, for now, I wish them all a safe deployment to Afghanistan, and a safe and healthy return to the states.

What Do You Think...Please Leave a Comment!

As you can see, I've changed my template and, I am trying to decide if it makes my posts a bit hard to read. I do feel that the color of the text makes a difference. Red text, like in "Some Stuff" is hard to read so, if I keep this template, I'll probably refrain from using red text. Anyway, please let me know what you think. If you have any suggestions, I'll be very happy to give it a shot and see how it works out in a future post. Thank you, in advance, for any suggestions or comments!

I Want To Scream It...Stop Rewriting History...

I dislike politics. Worse yet, I dislike talking politics...especially with people who are on the opposite side of the fence because, while I can hold a rational and calm conversation, a screaming match will ensue and I will inevitably back down because I refuse to be screamed at in an effort to change my mind when all I want is to have an adult disagreement. I am not wrong and neither are you where opinion is concerned.

That being said, I really dislike it when people try to rewrite history. So, here is my soap box. I was at my nail salon a week ago and President Obama was on their TV. One of the salon employees changed the channel and my manicurist told me that it was because they have literally had complaints from other salon patrons when Obama has been on the TV before. So, in an effort to make everyone "comfortable", as soon as they notice Obama on their TV, they change the channel. Seriously? I find that childish. I feel that, if you don't want to see something, simply don't look at it. If you don't want to hear something, simply don't listen to it.

I have listened to people lambaste President Obama for the economy. This is what I mean by rewriting history. Let's get this straight right now. I really want to scream this point but, I hold back because I will not play the middle woman between crazy and crazier. The economy was broken for 8 years before President Obama ever got into the Oval Office. President Bush had 8 years to break America's economy. How does one forget that? How is it possible that people think that the economy only broke starting 2 years ago? Furthermore, how do people think that President Obama can just snap his fingers and fix, in 2 years, what Bush spent 8 years breaking? President Obama is highly intelligent but, he isn't a magician. It is going to take time to repair 8 years of damage. I will never understand how something can be broken but acceptable until another person is in charge of it simply because the person who broke it was of political agreement and the new person in charge of it is in political disagreement. In other words, you lost your job when President Bush was in office and that was ok but, now since President Obama is in office and you are having a hard time finding a job, it is his fault. Right...that makes sense.

As I chatted with my manicurist, her original thought was that it was President Obama's fault. Then all I had to do was calmly remind her that things were broken while President Bush was in office, before President Obama took over. All I had to do was have her think back to nearly 3 years ago and it was amazing the change in tone that she had.

Open your eyes! Take a trip back down memory lane to when you started to struggle financially. I bet you will see it started before 2008. So, how about we try to hold all parties accountable to your struggles, as far as the government is concerned, and stop blaming the new guy just because he is a Democrat and you are a Republican. There is no such thing as rewriting history because it is literally impossible. You can not, no matter how bad you want to, go back in time and change what has already happened. Good luck trying. You'll just come across as an idiot to people who have a strong grasp on the reality of history.

To Shred, Or Not To Shred...

...that is the question.

I am almost and OCD shredder. I shred anything and everything with my name and address on it. If it isn't staying in my house, it goes through my shredder. And, what got me thinking about that topic was when I shredded the envelopes from last years Christmas cards sent to me from friends and family (I save them so I can use them as a reference for the following year, should I forget anyone on my card list). So, not only did I protect my identity, but I protected my friends' and family's' identities by shredding their addresses as well. Now, the question is...are my friends and family as courteous of my identity? Or, do they simply throw the envelopes with my address on it away? Perhaps I am a bit over-protective. It's not like someone stealing the envelope from the garbage would have my SSN or even my birthday. But, if they have my name and address, it is my opinion that they have enough information about me to make my life Heck. So, in an effort to protect myself, I don't take any chances and into the shredder that info goes.

What do you think? Am I too protective? Do you shred everything with your name and address? Or, do you do what I worry that others do and just toss the envelope with your info, and mine, right there in the garbage for anyone with bad intentions to steal?

Socially Networked

I truly am Socially Networked. I don't know how I ever survived without social networks like Facebook and Myspace. Nor do I know how I will survive if they ever cease to exist. I am also on Twitter but, I haven't entirely figured that one out yet. I feel like there is a key component I am missing to it. I will post an update now and then but, I guess I really just need to sit down and navigate around it more than I have.

Anyway, I became Socially Networked in June of 2008 when I used Myspace to find a friend with whom I'd lost touch with 11 years earlier. I have been hooked on the social networking sites since then. And, since then, I have reconnected with some of my besties from high school, a few of my college friends, ex-coworkers, family I don't get to see very often, family friends from my younger years and, I've even made a few new acquaintances.

I know very few people whom disagree with the social network sites. And to them I say, you don't know what you are missing. I understand that some people think these sites are dangerous. And, they can be. There are some sick people in the world. Couple that with hackers and it can be a dangerous world. But, if you are careful and mindful of what you are doing, you won't have anything to worry about.

I do wonder if the teens and 20-somethings that are Socially Networked, can truly appreciate what they have at their fingertips and, have had for a major portion of their lives. If you've never lost touch with people who played a big part of your lives in your formative years, can you really appreciate a site like Facebook and all the reminiscent reconnection it has to offer those of us who went more than a decade before getting back in touch with people we swore never to lose touch with in the first place?

So, I am endlessly grateful to my social networking sites of choice. I'm grateful that I have been reconnected with people whom I have truly missed and thought about a lot throughout the years. That being said, I miss those whom I still can't keep in touch with on a regular basis.

What Do You Want To Do Before You Die?

That is the question that the guys of The Buried Life on MTV asks every week. The Buried Life is about 4 guys who were sick of just going about their daily grind aimlessly so they decided to get together with a list of things they want to do before they die. This week was their season finale and it was fantastic! What they try to do is cross off one list item each episode. And, for every item they cross off of their list, they help someone else cross something off of their own list. Whether they succeed or not, each episode brings me to tears. They are fearless and kind hearted. They're hilarious and generous.

So, at the end of each episode, they ask "What do you want to do before you die?" And, at the end of each episode, I ponder that question for a few minutes before giving up as I usually can't think of anything. Until last night when I decided to blog about it. Once I really took more time to think that question through, my mental list came out pretty huge. So, here are the items I can remember.

Before I die, I would like to see everyone I love and care about happy. I want my brother to stop struggling financially. I want to see him with a good job, with his bills paid, his home out of foreclosure, and money in his pocket. I would love to see him stop smoking. I want to see him secure with a good woman in his life for him and his daughter.

I want to see my sister's business more successful than it is now. I want to see her happy and secure with no more financial struggles.

I want to see my Mom happy and healthy which means that, if it has to be with my Father, I'd like to see him in recovery from his alcoholism.

I want to make all my husband's dreams come true.

I want to find my own success...whatever that may be.

I want to keep in better touch with those whom I rarely hear from.

I want to visit all the lands that my ancestors came from.

I want to finally maintain a permanent exercise routine.

I want to right any wrongs I've done.

I want to patent something.

I want to help just one person by telling the story of my heart condition.

I want to save a life.

I want to make one person smile every day.

I want to have more courage.

I would like to skydive but fear it will literally cause me to have a heart attack.

I want to rescue animals.

I want to be on TV.

I want to have something published somewhere. I want to be brave enough to write the story that is in my head and, even if it isn't a bestseller, finally get it out of my head and between book covers.

I want to put my creativity to a more professional use.

I know there must be so many more things that I want to do before I die but, I am at a standstill as far as ideas right now. Whether I end up fulfilling any of these items or not, only the future will tell. But, it felt a little inspirational committing it to "paper" so to speak.

So, in the great words of Ben, Jonnie, Duncan and Dave of The Buried Life...what do you want to do before you die?

Some Stuff...

I have a few things on my mind. So, I guess I'm just going to use this post to get it off my mind.

First and foremost is my gratitude to members of the military. I don't really have the words to show my appreciation. I can only say that I think of all of you as the most selfless people anywhere. You sacrifice everything to protect our freedom and try to help make the world a better, more peaceful place. While we civilians tend to do everything we can to show you our appreciation, I know that the Government could show you their appreciation in bigger, better ways. I think that they could spare no expense to get you to where you are going. You should be paid insane amounts of money for what you do and the great personal risks you put yourselves in. Perhaps this is all just the imaginings of a spoiled, pampered civilian. I just feel like those who serve should be treated like royalty given all that they are willing to sacrifice so that we may say what we want, think what we think, and live how we live.

Anything else that is on my mind seems air headed and bitter in comparison to what I just got done talking about so, I think I'll just save the rest for later.

Gotta Love Modern Technology

Today was far better than I thought it would be...because of modern technology. I was all prepared to be down for the count for most of the day because I had an eye doctor's appointment and I was anticipating the requisite dilation of my pupils. I have green eyes which means that my eyes are more sensitive to the dilation drops. Some doctors know that it takes less drops to dilate light eyes but, I don't think my doctor knows that and, I like him so, I won't tell him how to do his job. So, I just usually put up with it and spend the majority of my day after dilation hiding from light behind closed eyelids. But, not today! Today I got to use some modern technology. It is Retinal Photography. They take a picture of your eye and it shows them everything they need to know about your eye health. Now, if I had any problems that he would like to take a closer look at, he would have had to dilate my eyes. And, he will likely dilate them next year but, because my eyes are healthy and he didn't see anything alarming, I left his office, for the first time, without squinting in total discomfort! Yay! And, I have stuff to do today. I have a Birthday card and one Thank You card, as-well-as some Christmas cards that I want to make today. I was able to run to the store after my appointment so, I got that errand done. And, I'll be able to make dinner tonight with no discomfort. Gotta love modern technology! Now...if only Dentistry would catch up and make fillings and root canals, as-well-as those gagging x-rays, painless.

Some New Feelings, and Some Old Feelings...

I have talked about this show before in a past post. I still love the show Teen Mom on MTV. But, I have some new opinions on it now. I despise Amber. She is horrible and, I truly think she needs anger management classes...or something. She is horrific to Gary...her ex-boyfriend and the father of their daughter Leah. And, I feel like it is only a matter of time before she is abusive to Leah. She is also a little lazy with her parenting skills. I don't have kids but, I have watched her armchair parent Leah. She will scream at Leah from across the room, either while in bed or on the couch, and keep screaming until she relents that Leah isn't going to listen to her. Then she gets up and corrects the issue. I understand that we never see the entire picture because editing can only show us so much but, if there wasn't that much of that behavior to chose from than editing wouldn't show that much so, I can't really tolerate that as an excuse. On one episode, Gary had just walked through the door and Amber was lounging in bed...which seems to be her favorite place to parent from...and she seemingly immediately started yelling at Gary. Asking him why Leah was crying and when he was going to put her to bed.

Then, there were the times when she would get physical with Gary, and even going as far as to punch him on camera, in the face which resulted in him slamming the other side of his face into a wall. Gary always walks off and avoids the confrontations as much as possible. The poor man can't do anything right. I realize he isn't perfect but, when you can't catch a break, sometimes another person's expectations are just too hard to ever live up to. He bought her flowers in tonight's episode. It was a peace offering. A way to make amends and apologize for all the wrongs that she has perceived him as doing to her. While he was at the flower shop, Amber called him and started yelling at him...as usual. He was beaten down after making such a sweet gesture and broke down in his car. It broke my heart to watch him and, I can only hope that it broke her heart when she watched the episode. She received the flowers the next day and, after such a sweet note and a beautiful bouquet, her comment was that she was glad he didn't try to ask her back in the note. Wow! I was floored. But, I guess I should have seen that coming. She can't see past the nose on her face. Her daughter has her father. There are a lot of teen moms, and many older mothers, that can't say the same thing. Gary has tried to make it work with Amber. He tries to be a good father to Leah. My wish is that, should they ever go into a custody battle, that he gets full, or at least majority custody of Leah.

So, now that I wrote a novel about Amber and Gary, on to my favorite couple...Tyler and Catelynn. Oh how I love these two. They made the tough decision to give their daughter up for open adoption in which they have limited contact with Carly throughout the year. At the beginning of this season it looked like Tyler and Catelynn might break up because of a past transgression that Catelynn had with an old fling. It wasn't a very recent event but, she wasn't truthful with Tyler about it back then and it broke his heart. Eventually they worked it out but, they also had a stressful time when Tyler's grief over giving up their daughter finally hit him and he didn't know how to deal with it. Catelynn had gone to a retreat last year, with other young mothers whom had given up their children for adoption so, she had found an outlet in which to deal with her grief but, Tyler hadn't found anything like that and had pushed it down until it boiled over. He pushed Catelynn away for a little while and, again...it seemed like they were coming to an end. Fortunately, they seem to have worked it all out and are stronger than ever. Catelynn has her mother to deal with on a fairly constant basis. I really want to throttle the woman myself. She's so horrible to Catelynn. She wasn't supportive of their decision to adopt Carly out. And, she has been nothing but vocal about it ever since. She takes every opportunity to bite Catelynn's head off. But, I remain steadfastly impressed by Catelynn's maturity. She far out classes her mother as far as maturity goes and I can't help but feel proud of her for the way that she deals with her mother. I have seen so many teenagers be insolent and even downright disrespectful to their parents but, I never see Catelynn do anything but try to show her mother the respect an adult deserves from a teenager. She is constantly trying to make amends with her mother and to talk things out in a mature and rational manner. And, she always goes above and beyond to make her mother happy. What I would like to see is her mother takes steps towards respecting Catelynn and perhaps apologizing to her for being unfairly hard on her. She's a good kid and a good daughter under some of the worst circumstances.

As for Tyler, his father and Catelynn's mother are married. But, his father is in jail which is an entirely other story. But, Tyler seems to have taken to heart what he has learned from his father and he really has tried to be a great guy to Catelynn. His father is both loved and a little hard to love by both Catelynn and Tyler. These kids have had some of the worst role models and are trying to come out of it better people and, in my opinion, I really think they are succeeding. There are bumps in the road for both of them, both past and present. But, I still hold onto the hope that they will see it through and grow to be that old happy couple that shares their stories with their grandchildren one day.

And now, Farrah and her daughter Sophia...we have gotten to know a little bit of the background story of Sophia's daddy this season. He died in a car accident, I believe before Sophia was ever born. And, if I remember correctly, he and Farrah had an issue in the first season and she cut ties with him. But, she really loved him and she has been struggling with her emotions over losing him and raising their daughter alone.

Farrah's mother...whew! To be fair, Farrah can be difficult herself. Both of them need a serious attitude adjustment. Her mother tries to be sickeningly sweet to Sophia while pushing Farrah's buttons. But, there are times when she isn't even trying to push Farrah's buttons and Farrah will just continue to be a snarly, spoiled brat. I supposed some of that is to be expected. These are teenagers after all. I remember what I was like as a teenager and, I remember the inclination to put such an attitude out there.

So, I have seen that natural mother in Farrah come out this season. She struggled a little in the first season but, she seems to have settled into the role this season and, I'm kind of proud of her. I still think she has a ton of growing up to do but, she has come a long way.

Last but not least, Maci and her son Bentley. She and Bentley's dad, Ryan, are still working on their co-parenting roles but, they broke up and haven't really looked back. Ryan has been seeing a new girl and, up until tonight, Maci had a boyfriend whom she moved an hour away to be closer to. But, because they had only been together for a short period of time, it wasn't long before they realized their mistake and they ended their relationship in tonight's episode.

Ryan wasn't really a father to Bentley until after he and Maci split. I guess it is true that you never know what you had until you've lost it because now he is fighting to stay a part of Bentley's life. They worked out a shared custody between the two of them but, in the previews for next week's season finale, it seems that there may be issues with it on Ryan's part.

Maci is a good mom. She has devoted her entire heart to Bentley. I am sad for her that her new relationship didn't work out but, it was a little to be expected when they moved too fast and it became overwhelming to him.

I still don't like Ryan. It is nice to see that he has stepped up to the plate but, he also seems to constantly want to be a thorn in Maci's side. However, they need to work it out in the way that is best for Bentley and refrain from holding grudges with one another.

So, those are my somewhat new, and mostly old, opinions on this season of Teen Mom.

The Antithesis of The Song

Maroon 5 is one of my favorite bands and my hubby surprised me with tickets to their concert a month ago. It was fantastic! Even the opening acts were worth seeing. The first opening act was V.V. Brown and, I am vaguely familiar with her and was happy with her performance. The next opening act was Kris Allen. I love his music so I was happy when I heard he was opening for Maroon 5! He did a spectacular job. Then, the main event! Maroon 5 took the stage and had me up on my feet the majority of the time. The hubby was a good sport...Maroon 5 is a "chic band" according to him but, he decided to treat me to the concert and put on a brave face. There were 2 girls next to me that were lit like a Christmas tree and were cracking me up.

Then there were two obnoxious girls behind the hubby who bumped me a few times with their purses and kept knocking the hubby in the head when he sat down. But, you expect some bumping and knocking into one another in such close conditions so, we didn't really mind at all...until they picked a fight with the guy and his lady directly behind me. Ugh! They chose to have a loud, obnoxious, vulgar argument through most of the song "She Will Be Loved". Really? Adam Levine is belting out, with all his heart, that love song and these idiots behind us are having a war of vulgar words. On a side note, there are only 2 words, the C word and the P word, that will really offend me and, they used both of them. While I was trying to ignore them and enjoy the heck out of Adam Levine's fabulous voice, those assholes were harshing my love buzz. From what I gathered, they were arguing about seating. I heard the guy say, "We've been here the whole time". The hubby said it seemed that they might also have been arguing about the girls hitting them with their purses. It got to a point where each of the four of us, the hubby, the 2 girls next to me and myself, were thisclose to getting security to take care of them. Actually, the hubby was thisclose to telling them to STFU. Fortunately, they stopped and we were all able to enjoy the rest of "She Will Be Loved". But, seriously? How do people get so torked up and angry at a Maroon 5 concert? Don't you just know that when you are going to a concert, you aren't going to have a honking huge amount of room with which to move around? Don't you expect to be knocking and bumping into your friendly neighborly concert goers? The 2 girls next to me were friendly and we had a little bit of a camaraderie between us because...now here's a thought...we were there for the same reason. We had something in common. We could have been completely different people in every other aspect of our lives but, we were there to enjoy the same thing which made us instant friendlies.

Some people just can't behave themselves in public. The two girls behind us seemed pretty full of themselves. At one point, one of them shouted out, above the loud music being sung, "That's right. She knows all the lyrics." Well...bravo! Good for you chicky poo! You know what I know? I don't care! You know what else I know? I know how to behave myself in public!

So, the next time you are at a concert, just remember that everyone there is there for exactly the same thing as you are. Everyone there has at least one thing in common with you. Share a smile instead of vulgar words. Sing and sway along and enjoy your common interest together!

Unnecessary

I really don't like fear mongering as a means to sell unnecessary crap. For example, the Lysol Healthy Touch No Touch Hand Soap System. It is being marketed as a way to protect people from transferring pre-existing germs that are on your common household soap dispenser when one touches it to dispense soap into one's hands as they get ready to wash them. It senses motion so you don't have to touch the soap dispenser. Ok...great! A new way to keep us from getting other people's germs on our hands. But, correct me if I am wrong here. How many times do you retouch the soap dispenser pump in your house immediately after you wash your hands with the soap you just dispensed into your hands from said soap dispenser? And, say you did get some germs on your hands from the soap dispenser, ummmm...maybe I am a little bit stupid here and I don't understand the concept of the purpose of washing your hands and the way that soap and water works when put together but, aren't you then immediately washing said newly acquired germs from the soap pump off of your hands as you wash them right then and there? Yeah...I'm pretty sure I am just an idiot. Right? I mean, the people at Lysol are probably right in thinking that people tend to touch the soap pump, transfer germs onto their hands, wash their hands and either the new germs they just got off that soap pump are resistant to that fresh wash of their hands, or people just then retouch the soap pump and walk around with filth on their hands until the next time they wash them. I've got to be wrong. I'm not a scientist. Not a doctor. So, of course I am wrong and, immediately after I wash the germs from my hands that I have collected both from the dirty soap pump and whatever my hands may get into in between washes has magically not been washed off and is remaining on my hands only to be added to the next time I touch my filthy soap pump. Gosh...I'm disgusting.

Why is This Appropriate?

Why is it socially acceptable to suggest that a woman is pregnant just because she isn't feeling well one day? I don't get this. I have never, and would never, imply that maybe a woman is pregnant just because she is nauseous or not feeling well. Stop that! Guess what...there are other things in the world that make a woman sick. Need examples to inform your single-minded self? Ok...I'll be happy to enlighten you. On any given day, a woman might eat something that doesn't agree with her. Perhaps she ate something bad that had some bacteria in it. Perhaps her intestinal fortitude is a little off and whatever she ate triggered a bad reaction. And, while we don't talk about it in public too much because it is a little bit of a taboo topic, perhaps it is the time of the month. And, that doesn't necessarily mean her time of the month. It could me she is ovulating. It could mean her period has just ended. Regardless, that cycle is very hard on our bodies and we have good days where we can eat anything and feel fine. And we have bad days where there is just nothing in this world but the passage of time that will make it all better. Need another example of what might cause a woman to feel nauseous, headachey, fatigued or just overall icky? Ok...how about the flu? The common cold? Not enough sleep the night before? Or...a hangover? Whatever the reason may be, it is never EVER appropriate to be so presumptuous as to suggest to a woman that she could be pregnant. You don't know what her situation is. And, while this is not the case for me, perhaps you should consider what wound you may be opening up. What do I mean? There are women in the world who can't get pregnant...no matter how badly they want to be. So, you may just suggest that to the wrong woman one day and, while she will probably be too classy to call you out and make you feel bad for having made her feel bad, she will be hurting and you have probably just ruined her entire day. So shut up with that crap! Women should know better than to suggest that as it has probably been suggested to them a number of times since puberty. But, even women can be inconsiderate and inappropriate on this subject. I think it has something to do with wanting so badly for you to be pregnant. Whatever the reason...it is still wrong and you shouldn't do it...EVER! And men...we can't suggest things like that to you when you aren't feeling well. So, how about we just get inappropriate and ask you about your sex life? Are you tired today because you spent all night trying to get your boner up but are currently experiencing some impotence? And, before you wonder why I would drag your sex life into this, consider what you are doing when you suggest a woman is pregnant just because she isn't feeling well. You are basically making assumptions about her sex life. So, why shouldn't I make assumptions about your sex life?

Ok...so I know this was totally off the wall and out of the blue. But, it has been something on my mind and, while I can't say it in public I do feel like people should get this little education in sensitivity. Just think before you ask a question like that. Most of us know not to just assume that a woman is pregnant because she is carrying some weight in her stomach as people have been mortified when they ask "when are you due?" and get the response, "I'm not pregnant." So, if you are careful not to offend someone by implying she is pregnant when she may just be overweight, why is it ok to suggest that someone who may have just had too much to drink the night before, be pregnant? It's not! What is inside our bellies is no one's business until we want people to know. Nausea no more equals pregnant for a woman than it does for a man. Just suggest an antacid, give get well wishes and keep your thoughts to yourself.

Creativity is Good For My Soul

I think I finally found something that is truly good for my soul. I have always been a creative and crafty girl. I drew a lot when I was younger, I made jewelry out of beads and string, I did needle point work and pretty much loved all things crafty. A month ago today, a close friend had a crafting party at her house where she taught me, and 5 other girls how to make 2 cards and a "pillow box"...a small box in the shape of a pillow in which you can put candy or something small to give to someone else as a gift. I had so much fun. It brought me back in touch with my crafty side. I have been hooked ever since! I've made multiple cards and gift boxes and, when I am done with each project, I have such a sense of pride and accomplishment. Since I have been unemployed, I have been pretty miserable as far as my confidence and self-worth is concerned. Those two things took a serious blow and my ego has been very low. But, with each card or gift box that I create with my own two hands, my self-confidence builds. One of my neighbors has told me that she will pay me for my work. I even impressed my hubby the other day, which is no small feat.

So, I have included some of my creations for you all to see. If you have something to say about them, feel free. And, be honest. If you think they suck, tell me. I can take it. I probably won't agree but, I can take it! ;)

P.S.
Yes...each one of those cake slices is a separate box. You would use it for a Birthday Party or Bridal Shower and you could fill each Box Slice with candy or party favors and give them to your guests. It took a while to make but, for my first time having made that cake, I am pretty proud of it!

Business Barracuda

I am not the biggest Feminist in the history of the world but, as a lady, I stand up and applaud any woman who has made a success out of herself and her product, whatever that product may be. And, if you show me 5 successful business women, the one I will scream and cheer the loudest for will be the one who has made herself a successful business woman without being a Business Barracuda. Never heard that term before? You shouldn't have. I just made it up. I think it applies to the bitch I used to work for. Yea...I know. When a woman is successful in business she is considered a bitch. Believe me...I hate calling her anything derogatory. Like I said, I applaud the successful business women of this world because, like it or not, it is a man's world. But, I think that you can be a successful business woman without resorting to being a bitch. Unfortunately, the woman I used to work for never got that memo.

So, here is my story. I went from an easy, barely did much of anything kind of job run by two men, that I worked for for over 6 years, to a job run by a Chinese woman whose only real constant employees were her 22 year old son and her husband. I was a Temp and I worked my ass off for 5 months at that job trying to make permanent. And I really mean that. I learned so much and busted my ass every single work day at that job. My manager loved me. Granted, she and I had our moments but, she always told me what a "good worker" and a "hard worker" I was. She gave me way more than my fair share of stuff to do and taught me tons of stuff. And I loved it. I loved having more work than I could handle because it meant that I worked hard for my paycheck and I left that office every day with a sense of accomplishment. As I mentioned, the job that I had before the last one was very easy. I was the Administrative Assistant and it wasn't a very busy office. I answered the phones which, on some days, may not ring more than once an hour and sometimes, less than that. My two bosses weren't there that much, maybe an hour or two each day. Most days, and most of the day, I was the only person there. If the bosses needed me to do anything, they would call me and let me know what they needed. I would write up a quote based on the information they gave me. I did some data entry. I put together sample packs. I mailed and FedExed some stuff out now and then but, it really was the kind of job where you spend the majority of your time surfing the web, reading a book and occasionally, falling asleep when you were sick or getting sick. Don't get me wrong, I liked it enough to stay for 6 years until new management brought their Administrative Assistant and didn't have a place for me anymore. So, I moved on to a Temp job. I loved the ladies I worked with. I got along well with them all. But, there begins part of the reason that the Business Barracuda let me go. She didn't really want her employees to talk to one another. Not while we were working and not even after work. She had been known to let people go because she found out that they had exchanged phone numbers and had spent time hanging out together. And, I'm not talking about male/female relationships. I'm talking about friendships. She didn't want her employees to develop friendships. But, I'm sorry...that is impossible. When you work for 8 hours a day with people, you develop friendships with your co-workers. It is as natural as leaves on trees. It's a little thing called Human Nature. We are born to seek companionship. Not just physical companionship born out of emotional love for someone of the opposite, and sometimes same, gender. Companionship born out of the need to forge friendships with other people in the world. But, she couldn't tolerate it. So, we all tried to be friendly without pissing Business Barracuda off. A lot of good that did us.

I was a model employee. I was late only once and it was for a doctor's appointment which I told Business Barracuda about 2 weeks in advance. I never left early. I never took more than my 30 minutes for lunch break. Which, by the way, is illegal in the state of Georgia. Our employment law dictates that for every 8 hours of work an employee does, they get one half an hour lunch and two 15 minute breaks. Business Barracuda only allowed us one half an hour lunch. And, if you think that there was a way you could get around it, think again. She had cameras all over the office so, she knew where everyone was at all times. She knew when you came in in the morning, took your lunch break (there was a camera in the break room also), went to the bathroom (none in there but a few cameras in the hall) and left for the day. And, while no one ever found one, we were all fairly certain she had each office wired for sound because she had said specific things to a few other people referencing conversations we had had, that she could never have heard unless the rooms were wired for sound.

You might be on her good side for a few days. You would know that by the way she would acknowledge you. Either by a smile, a nod or she might actually joke around with you. But, in a blink of an eye you would be on her bad side. You would have absolutely no idea what you did to be on her bad side. Your work would be perfect. You would be obeying every single rule but, she would be as cold as ice to you. She wouldn't acknowledge you as you passed her in the hall. Either not by returning your smile, hello or nod. She may not even look at you if you two had lunch at the same time in the break room. If she did say something to you it might be snide and snarky. And, while she may approve of you for a few days, she would disapprove of you for no less than 2 weeks. She once despised me for an entire month. I really couldn't tell you what I did wrong.

Your physical appearance was under constant scrutiny. From your head to your toes and everything in between. I was told what it looked like when Business Barracuda approved of how you looked. She would either give you the elevator eyes followed by a smile and a nod or she would come into your office space, again with the elevator eyes and give you an actual thumbs up. I have been told by many people that I have great style. I won't deny that. I won't even try to be modest about it. I do have style. I like fashion and I would always bring my A game but, I never got Business Barracuda's approval. Of course, there is one thing I can improve on. I don't pay much attention to my feet. I don't mean as far as footwear. I am a shoe girl. What girl isn't? We can't help ourselves. Shoes rock our worlds. And, I am no exception to that rule. What I mean is my nails. I don't entirely love a pedicure. I did finally find a place that I could tolerate a pedicure from but, I have extremely ticklish feet. Not just the bottoms of my feet but the tops too. So, pedicures are like torture for me. And, having my toe nails painted seems like a waste of time and money. They are only going to chip within an hour of getting them done, I always end up getting some kind of nasty infection in my toe nails when I do have them painted so, why bother? But, in Business Barracuda's mind, you might as well be walking around with shit smeared all over your feet if you don't get regular pedicures. Not that she ever expressed that opinion in words. It was only written all over her face. So, I am the scum of the Earth.

So now the part where I tell you how ruthless Business Barracuda is. My nieces and nephew came for a visit. I had asked for the time off about a month before they came. They were coming on a Wednesday. I asked if I could work a half a day for the Wednesday so that I wouldn't miss most of their first day here. She was cool with me taking the time off. That Monday she told me to just take the entire Wednesday off. I could have used the money but, I was happy that I would be able to go with the hubby to pick the kids up. That Monday night she had my Temp agency call me and ask me to take all of my personal stuff home with me Tuesday after work. My radio, any pictures, whatever I had in my drawers. I had a sinking feeling as I asked my agency if I was losing my job. They said no. They told me that she said she just didn't want to be responsible for anything going missing or being broken while I was gone. I didn't believe her because I have a strong instinct and I am rarely wrong but, I was cautiously optimistic. So, I started my vacation after work Tuesday night. Had a wonderful day with the kids and my hubby Wednesday. Thursday we went tubing on the local river and I had a message on my cell phone from my temp agency to call them back, when we got back to the car. So, I took a deep breath knowing what I was about to hear and I made that call. Yup...I was through. But, not just me...2 other girls. Business Barracuda got rid of me and 2 other girls in the same week. She even asked my manager what she thought about getting rid of me and my manager told her she didn't want to lose me because I had done so much for the company. I had learned so much and I was an asset. My last day, I busted my butt there. I got everything done that needed to be done. I didn't leave anything for anyone to have to pick up my slack. Every pile was gone. All the filing was done. Every quote I was given was done to perfection. My desk was pristine. That bitch...I mean, Business Barracuda, canned me anyway. Since then, she has struggled to find a replacement and that was nearly a year ago. My manager quit and, while there were 11 total people in that office when she let me and my other 2 co-workers go, she has been struggling to keep any more than 4 employees, not including her hubby and her son.

So, that is a Business Barracuda. She is exactly the reason that people don't think that woman can run a company without being a bitch. It makes me sad to call her a bitch and a Business Barracuda. I would love to cheer loudly for her as a woman. But, sadly she feeds the stereotype.

Beer Goggles?

Nicole Forrester VS
Stacy Ferguson
Michelle "Bombshell" McGee VS
Sandra Bullock


Attention Jesse James and Josh Duhamel: What the fuck is wrong with you two? You infuriate me. I am not an expert at beautiful women but, come on. Anyone with vision can see how very beautiful Sandra Bullock and Stacy Ferguson are. So, what prompted you to cheat on your beautiful wives with the likes of Nicole Forrester and Michelle McGee? Was it Beer Goggles? Because that is the only way I can imagine that you could blank out on the beautiful faces of the women you idiots fall asleep next to each night and do some stupid scumbag crap with the likes of those two lesser attractive women. For a straight chic, I think I have pretty good taste in women and, neither Nicole Forrester, nor Michelle "Bombshell" McGee are a blip on my radar. Ok...I'll give Michelle props for her body but, of what I have seen of Sandra Bullock's body, she's pretty sexy. And Josh...you had to be smashed to think that Nicole was even remotely attractive. She isn't the ugliest woman on God's green Earth but, when compared to Fergie...for real?

So, how does that saying go? For every beautiful woman, there is some man that is sick of her shit. Well, how about this? For every man that is sick of a beautiful woman's shit, that beautiful woman is sick of his slimeball, cheating ass.

Not All That It Is Cracked Up To Be

I lost my job in June 2009 and that came off the heals of having lost a job that I had been with for 6+ years. I won't get into the story of my last 2 jobs and how or why I lost them here. I have another issue to discuss, bitch about and inform you all on right now. And, that subject is the myth that I am lucky that I don't have to work. Don't get me wrong...I am lucky to be in a position where my husband has the kind of career that can afford us the luxury of being a single income household and to be doing well. I am not trying to come across as spoiled or unappreciative. I really do appreciate my luck. But, staying home really isn't all that it is cracked up to be. My husband doesn't want me to work. At least, not right now. And, most everyone will tell me that I am lucky that I don't have to work. Of course, they tell me that because they have to get up early in the morning and do the daily routine of getting ready for work, going to a job they probably don't entirely love, working with some people they may hate, and coming home only to have to repeat that maybe 16 or so hours later. I get that. I've done the daily job grind. Now this is what people don't get about my "job". Yes, I am home every day. No, I don't have a set time I have to get up or a set time I have to be somewhere. But, I do set a time that I want to be up by because I feel like a loser if I don't get out of bed by then. And, I do have things that I do every day. Lonely, boring, same old same old, repetitive stuff. I get up, eat some breakfast, brush my teeth, get dressed, do my hair and makeup, get some coffee, goof off online for a bit, make the bed, clean the litter boxes, do the dishes, straighten up whatever needs to be straightened up around the house, goof off online some more, eat lunch alone, feed the dog, gather and take the trash out on trash day, run any errands the husband asked me to run for the day, make dinner, eat it alone, clean up after dinner while leaving the rest to sit and get cool until the husband gets home, clean up the rest of dinner, watch a little bit of TV with my husband, goof off online some more, shower and get ready for bed. Then, I do it all over again the next day. On Wednesdays and Thursdays I clean the house for an hour or an hour and a half a day. And on Fridays I vacuum and mop the house which can take me about 2 hours. This is my life. I don't do much else. And, I know that some people will still say that they would switch places with me but, believe me...after you have spent several months alone doing the same shit each day, you won't want to do it anymore.

For most people , work is just a paycheck. That is the way they think of it. But, take away the social interaction that people get with their co-workers and the interruptions that they get throughout the day with new tasks or just the few different things that they are given to do and then, yes...work can be just a paycheck. Work, to me, is a place you go to feel accomplished each day. A place you get to see other faces. Talk to other people. It is just me, my 3 cats and my dog here every single day. Now and then I get a lunch date with my husband or one of my friends but, it isn't like a job where you get to be away from your house every day and talk to your co-workers.

When was the last time you woke up excited about cleaning your house, your litter boxes, doing the dishes and making the bed? People think that I am on a permanent vacation. They are jealous of me. But, think for a second about how excited about cleaning your house you get when you have to do it and maybe you will think twice about being jealous of me.

Again, I am grateful for all that I have and for the ability to live the life I live but, this isn't a vacation. A vacation is fun. You go places. Do things. See people. Relax. What I do is lonely. It is repetitive. It is boring and I hate it. I love the sense of accomplishment a job gives me. When I walked out of the office each day, when I was employed, I felt good about myself. I worked hard and I did a fantastic job. Sure, my bosses were pains in the butt and some of the people I worked with sucked so bad both at their job and as a human, that I wanted to remove parts of my own body just so I could beat them with whatever I tore off. But, it wasn't lonely. Every day was interesting in one way or another. I had things to talk about. I had people to talk about those things with. Now I talk about the spider I saw in my sink. What my cats or my dog did the other day. A TV show I watched.

Work people. And don't take it for granted. Boredom and loneliness sucks. A lack of accomplishment wears on your ego. It is embarrassing to say "nothing" when someone you just met asks you what you do. I hate this. And, for the record, I want to kick you in the head when you tell me how lucky I am that I don't work and that I don't have to work. I would rather be working.

Guilty By Association

It has been awhile since I have harped on this person but, I have a new hatred for her. Who? Britney Spears. Yea, I know. What has she done to you lately? Well, she clouded my judgment which seems impossible but, she really did. Actually, I guess she really only clouded it a little. And, here is how. I chose to dislike Kevin Federline because of the bad press that she brought upon him. That being said, I did find myself often thinking that he was the better parent of the two nitwits. But, I still wasn't giving him full credit.

I am not saying he is a saint. He did cheat on his ex with Britney, while his ex was pregnant with their child. That will never be something he can take back and make right.

Why have I suddenly had a change of heart, or a bettering of a not entirely poor opinion of him? As I have said before, I have a bit of a weakness for reality TV and one of my on-again, off-again guilty pleasure shows is Celebrity Fit Club. I have not seen every season. At least, I don't think I have. But, I did catch this most recent season and Kevin Federline was one of the 8 celebrities in this season. He really is a good guy...cheating past not to be ignored but, bygones is the word of the day here. He owns his past mistakes. He is a hard worker. He's humble. And, the reason that people never got to see or hear his side of anything is because he is silent. If anyone would have given him a chance to come out of Britney's shadow, they might have seen the well intentioned person that he really is. If his agents would have given him the opportunity to say his mia culpas, all of the U.S. may have refrained from such names as "Federleazy". We would still have felt for Shar Jackson, his ex and the mother of some of his kids, but, they probably wouldn't have seen him as such a disgusting waste of a pound of flesh.

So, while it will likely not mean a darn thing to him, I do have new found respect for Kevin Federline and I fully believe that Britney Spears is the reason behind his bad reputation. He is not the bad boy that she and the media made him out to be.

Oh...and I wouldn't be doing my non-job if I didn't express my opinion on Britney's comeback, which I know I am a couple months late on talking about. I think it is crap. I don't believe that her crazy girl, slutty girl, trash bag past is behind her. I think that, as long as she stays under her father's conservatorship, she will appear normal and even healthy but, she isn't fooling me. She has shown a couple of times that when her father loosens the reigns just a little bit, she starts to slip. Questionable behavior starts to happen and her inner nut job whore starts to rear its ugly head. This is, of course, only my opinion. And, I hope for her sake, that I am proven wrong. I just see a very tragic Anna Nicole Smith type of a future for her. I truly will be happy to express my own mia culpa if I am proven wrong someday.

I Saw The Signs...

Is reality TV making us all experts at failed love? I must admit that, I have a small addiction to reality TV. I don't always watch them all and, there are some that I won't watch, some that I will watch religiously and, some that I only tune into if it happens to be on when I am channel surfing and can't find anything better. One such show is Little People, Big World. It is about a husband and wife who are "Little People" more commonly known as, but not entirely politically correct, dwarfs or midgets. I have tuned in now and then, throughout the years that they have been on the air and, over the course of the last season, they were showing some problems in their marriage. She had a speaking engagement and had told him about it. He insists she didn't tell him about it and made a plan for the family to go to the British Virgin Islands. In another episode, it was Mother's Day and their twins' 19th birthday and he planned to take a trip, by himself, to Maui, Hawaii. Who does that? It hurt her feelings but she said that she wasn't going to grovel and try to talk him into staying and celebrating Mother's Day and the twins' birthdays with her and their kids. He expressed a minor bit of regret for having planned his trip at that time but said that, and yes, he actually said this shit, sometimes it is a better gift to get out of her way and leave her alone to celebrate Mother's Day. He said, "Sometimes it's a vacation when I leave people alone. It's like, hey Amy, you know what your present is for Mother's Day this year, I'm gonna leave you completely alone." Way to justify leaving your wife on Mother's Day you jerk.

So, I see this marriage crumbling. I rarely watched John and Kate Plus Eight but, it seems the deterioration of their marriage may have been evident to their viewers before it actually ended. I can't help but feel like a little bit of an expert these day, while watching these shows.

And now for the next question...is reality television a curse on a marriage? I have seen the previews for the newest season's premiere episode and it appears that they are trying to take another family vacation and he is screwing it up for everyone. And, I have seen the previews for Tori and Dean's reality show about their relationship...it has a new name and I am too lazy right now to interrupt my own writing to see what name it is going by now...and it looks as though their relationship is a little bit rocky in the new season as well. Granted, he cheated on his ex-wife with her so, while I always hoped the best for Tori, I can't say that I would be shocked to open up People magazine and see that they had split up. And no, to my knowledge, they have not split up. I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

So, the moral of the story is, don't make your relationship public on TV. While your marriage without TV may have issues and may not always be perfect, and it may fail anyway...if you want a fighting chance, don't put it on the airwaves.

It Was Time...

UPDATE:

All apologies for how late this update is but, better late than never.
I went to my new OBGYN and, of course, she asked me, suggested that I, recommended that I, told me, ordered me to get a Mammogram. Actually, more specifically, a Baseline Mammogram so that, in another 3 years when I am 40 and need to start getting Mammograms on a yearly basis, they will have a Mammogram to compare my 40 year old ta-tas to. Yippy freaking skippy!

So, I went home and, against my nature, I did not procrastinate. I nearly immediately called the number that my doctor provided, to schedule my appointment for my first Mammogram. I knew that if I didn't do it immediately, I would procrastinate until she had to yell at me to do it a year from now when I go back to see her for my annual checkup.

I begrudgingly went. All along hating Mother Nature, God or just my Dad's sperm and my Mom's egg for daring to have the gall to make me a girl which gave me boobies. I walked into the office where they do such a heinous, undesirable, cruel and inhumane thing to man's favorite toy. What? Duh...breasts! What did you think I meant? The remote? Who would Mammogram a remote? And just how would that be inhumane? Come on...get with the program here.

Anyway, the woman whose job it was to check me in, was really nice. She tried to calm my nerves by telling me that it wasn't the most painful thing. She said it was painful but not that bad. And, she asked me what my pain tolerance was. When I told her that I have 2 tattoos she said that I would have no problem with a Mammogram. Of course, she didn't have any tattoos so, basically she wouldn't really know just how painful a tattoo was in comparison to having the ever loving shit squeezed out of your tits. But, I digress. She told me I would be fine and sent me to sit in the waiting room.

My Radiologist (I think that is her title) came and got me and she really couldn't have been more sweet. She was really nice, calming and kind...for a woman whose job it is to manhandle another woman's boobies. Seriously. She moves them around. Picks them up. Plops them down...for those women who have big enough boobs to plop down. Shifts them left. Nudges them right. Tugs them forward. And then smooshes them between two cold, unforgiving square something or others. One is glass and I can't remember what the other was. Metal I think. And yes...it hurt. Like a Mother Fucker. But, not as bad as I thought it was going to. Not even bad enough to have me dreading my next visit in 3 years. Don't get me wrong...I would have loved to be able to remove my tits and throw them at someone if it meant the 5 seconds of pain I did experience would stop. But, that being said, it honestly wasn't that bad. If I had a choice between getting my ta-tas fondled and then smashed every 6 months or go to the dentist, believe it or not, I would chose to have my ta-tas smashed every six months. I never thought I would say it but, I hate the dentist more than having my boobs barbarically mistreated between 2 cold hard surfaces.

Oh...and to answer the question about bigger versus smaller? Smaller hurts worse. If Righty could have screamed, she would have while Lefty might have just muttered a quiet "Ouch". So, for all of you big breasted women who say it hurts worse the bigger your ladies are...SHUT THE FUCK UP! I know from experience. I have both to draw from. It may hurt you but, I promise you that it hurts me worse and it hurts my right lady worse than my left one. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Is It Time or Not Just Yet?

I'm hoping for "Not just yet." What am I talking about? The dreaded Mammogram. I am 37 years old now and tomorrow I am going to see my OBGYN for a checkup. I have heard conflicting stories on when women should start having Mammograms. Most say 40 but, some say 35. I am trying out a new doctor tomorrow so, I don't know which side of that 5 year difference she falls on. And, since I haven't been to see one in 2 or 3 years, I am worried she may decide to punish me for not keeping up with the health of my ta-tas and my na na na na and send me cringing towards the Mammogram. NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I have never heard one good thing about a Mammogram. Of course, it depends on who you talk to. Ladies with small ladies say that the smaller your ladies are, the worse it is. Then, ladies with bigger ladies say the bigger your ladies are the worse it is. My question is: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW? If you have big girls, you probably have always had big girls, at least, while you have been of the age to get Mammograms. And, say you got them enhanced, you probably still never had to have a Mammogram when they were small and, I have to imagine that you can't get a mammogram with implants because...well, forgive my stupidity but, wouldn't that pop them?
And, to the ladies with small ta-tas, how do you know if it hurts less with bigger ta-tas? If you have never had them, who are you to say how bad or how good, how painful or how less painful another person's experience is. So, shut up. I think it hurts for everyone. How could it not? You are taking your boobies and unnaturally smooshing and flattening them to the thickness of a pancake between 2 cold, metal, unforgiving, cruel plates while someone snaps a picture of your poor abused girls. What could possibly be fun or gentle about that. And, don't get me wrong. Like I said, I have never had one but, logically, I know what is involved. It is not that big of a stretch of an imagination to figure that there is a really awful, tear jerking, mind numbing, wanting to throw something at someone, amount of pain.
So, here is my next question: we can put a man on the moon and make a small portable device that, at its biggest is no bigger than the average hand, that can fit tens of thousands of songs on it. So, why the fuck can't we figure out how to take a high resolution picture of our tits without turning them into pancakes and putting every woman into tears? Just saying.

Teen Mom

It seems somehow wrong to say but, I love this show. It airs on MTV on Tuesdays at 10 PM ET/PT and, it blows me away every time I watch it. It chronicles the lives of 4 young mothers. Their journeys started last year on the show 16 and Pregnant.

The four girls are Maci, Farrah, Catelynn and Amber.

Of the four of these girls, 3 of them are still in a relationship with the father of their babies. Farrah is the only "single" mother. Maci and Ryan are in a constant battle in their relationship. He doesn't give her the kind of support she needs and she has already broken up with him, only to get back together with him. He promises to change but, it seems like that change is always fleeting at best.

Amber and Gary are always in a relationship struggle too. She is trying to get her GED and his selfishness keeps getting in the way. She too broke up with him and moved out of his apartment. She stayed in a hotel for a week which seemed to have slapped Gary with the harsh reality of losing both her and his daughter. He generously gave up his apartment to Amber and their baby and, in an effort to give Amber some space while providing her with a place to live, he moved back in with his mother for the time being. He seems willing to make the necessary changes for the benefit of his child. We'll see.

Farrah is a train wreck. She lives with her mother and, I think, stepfather. She is determined not to let motherhood interrupt her life as a "normal teenager". So, she is always on the search for a guy and goes out to have fun. I don't know how often she goes out but, each episode has her going out here and there so, it can't be too seldom. Her mother is a bit overbearing but, I can see where she is coming from. She just wants Farrah to stop being so selfish and finally realize that she is a mother and, now isn't the time to be acting like a "normal teenager" while expecting her mother to raise her baby.

This brings me to Catelynn and Tyler. I love these two kids. They continuously amaze me. They chose to give their daughter, Carly, up for adoption. They found a couple who was willing to do an open adoption. Of course, their are limitations. They keep in touch with the adoptive parents and are allowed to visit with Carly maybe a few times a year. They correspond through emails and get photos of her. They miss her terribly but, they know they made the right decision. They are the only couple out of all of these kids who really seem like they will last. Tyler has got to be one of the best guys out there. He is incredibly supportive and, of all of these kids, I think they would have been the best parents. That being said, I commend them for their decision to have their daughter adopted. I can't say enough good about these two kids. They handled everything responsibly. The genuine love between them in the face of such a hard decision and the following impact of having made the decision to give their daughter up is palpable. I can't help but root for them both. I want their relationship to work and for them to grow through their teens, young adulthood, adulthood, and elder years as a couple. I hope that they last and someday are able to have children together.

So, again...I love this show. I feel for all of them and their struggles. Catelynn and Tyler give me hope for our youth when I see how selfless they have proven to be and how strong their bond is. I hope the best for Farrah and I really hope to see her grasp the concept of her role as a young mother in this world. I hope to see Gary and Ryan become the fathers that they should be. And, I hope that Amber and Maci get the support they need and deserve from Gary and Ryan. I hope that Gary can keep up the effort that he showed Amber in this week's episode and I would love to see the therapy session that Ryan and Maci attended be as beneficial as it seemed to be at the end of the most recent episode.

I have high hopes for all of the teens.