Not All That It Is Cracked Up To Be

I lost my job in June 2009 and that came off the heals of having lost a job that I had been with for 6+ years. I won't get into the story of my last 2 jobs and how or why I lost them here. I have another issue to discuss, bitch about and inform you all on right now. And, that subject is the myth that I am lucky that I don't have to work. Don't get me wrong...I am lucky to be in a position where my husband has the kind of career that can afford us the luxury of being a single income household and to be doing well. I am not trying to come across as spoiled or unappreciative. I really do appreciate my luck. But, staying home really isn't all that it is cracked up to be. My husband doesn't want me to work. At least, not right now. And, most everyone will tell me that I am lucky that I don't have to work. Of course, they tell me that because they have to get up early in the morning and do the daily routine of getting ready for work, going to a job they probably don't entirely love, working with some people they may hate, and coming home only to have to repeat that maybe 16 or so hours later. I get that. I've done the daily job grind. Now this is what people don't get about my "job". Yes, I am home every day. No, I don't have a set time I have to get up or a set time I have to be somewhere. But, I do set a time that I want to be up by because I feel like a loser if I don't get out of bed by then. And, I do have things that I do every day. Lonely, boring, same old same old, repetitive stuff. I get up, eat some breakfast, brush my teeth, get dressed, do my hair and makeup, get some coffee, goof off online for a bit, make the bed, clean the litter boxes, do the dishes, straighten up whatever needs to be straightened up around the house, goof off online some more, eat lunch alone, feed the dog, gather and take the trash out on trash day, run any errands the husband asked me to run for the day, make dinner, eat it alone, clean up after dinner while leaving the rest to sit and get cool until the husband gets home, clean up the rest of dinner, watch a little bit of TV with my husband, goof off online some more, shower and get ready for bed. Then, I do it all over again the next day. On Wednesdays and Thursdays I clean the house for an hour or an hour and a half a day. And on Fridays I vacuum and mop the house which can take me about 2 hours. This is my life. I don't do much else. And, I know that some people will still say that they would switch places with me but, believe me...after you have spent several months alone doing the same shit each day, you won't want to do it anymore.

For most people , work is just a paycheck. That is the way they think of it. But, take away the social interaction that people get with their co-workers and the interruptions that they get throughout the day with new tasks or just the few different things that they are given to do and then, yes...work can be just a paycheck. Work, to me, is a place you go to feel accomplished each day. A place you get to see other faces. Talk to other people. It is just me, my 3 cats and my dog here every single day. Now and then I get a lunch date with my husband or one of my friends but, it isn't like a job where you get to be away from your house every day and talk to your co-workers.

When was the last time you woke up excited about cleaning your house, your litter boxes, doing the dishes and making the bed? People think that I am on a permanent vacation. They are jealous of me. But, think for a second about how excited about cleaning your house you get when you have to do it and maybe you will think twice about being jealous of me.

Again, I am grateful for all that I have and for the ability to live the life I live but, this isn't a vacation. A vacation is fun. You go places. Do things. See people. Relax. What I do is lonely. It is repetitive. It is boring and I hate it. I love the sense of accomplishment a job gives me. When I walked out of the office each day, when I was employed, I felt good about myself. I worked hard and I did a fantastic job. Sure, my bosses were pains in the butt and some of the people I worked with sucked so bad both at their job and as a human, that I wanted to remove parts of my own body just so I could beat them with whatever I tore off. But, it wasn't lonely. Every day was interesting in one way or another. I had things to talk about. I had people to talk about those things with. Now I talk about the spider I saw in my sink. What my cats or my dog did the other day. A TV show I watched.

Work people. And don't take it for granted. Boredom and loneliness sucks. A lack of accomplishment wears on your ego. It is embarrassing to say "nothing" when someone you just met asks you what you do. I hate this. And, for the record, I want to kick you in the head when you tell me how lucky I am that I don't work and that I don't have to work. I would rather be working.