It Was Time...

UPDATE:

All apologies for how late this update is but, better late than never.
I went to my new OBGYN and, of course, she asked me, suggested that I, recommended that I, told me, ordered me to get a Mammogram. Actually, more specifically, a Baseline Mammogram so that, in another 3 years when I am 40 and need to start getting Mammograms on a yearly basis, they will have a Mammogram to compare my 40 year old ta-tas to. Yippy freaking skippy!

So, I went home and, against my nature, I did not procrastinate. I nearly immediately called the number that my doctor provided, to schedule my appointment for my first Mammogram. I knew that if I didn't do it immediately, I would procrastinate until she had to yell at me to do it a year from now when I go back to see her for my annual checkup.

I begrudgingly went. All along hating Mother Nature, God or just my Dad's sperm and my Mom's egg for daring to have the gall to make me a girl which gave me boobies. I walked into the office where they do such a heinous, undesirable, cruel and inhumane thing to man's favorite toy. What? Duh...breasts! What did you think I meant? The remote? Who would Mammogram a remote? And just how would that be inhumane? Come on...get with the program here.

Anyway, the woman whose job it was to check me in, was really nice. She tried to calm my nerves by telling me that it wasn't the most painful thing. She said it was painful but not that bad. And, she asked me what my pain tolerance was. When I told her that I have 2 tattoos she said that I would have no problem with a Mammogram. Of course, she didn't have any tattoos so, basically she wouldn't really know just how painful a tattoo was in comparison to having the ever loving shit squeezed out of your tits. But, I digress. She told me I would be fine and sent me to sit in the waiting room.

My Radiologist (I think that is her title) came and got me and she really couldn't have been more sweet. She was really nice, calming and kind...for a woman whose job it is to manhandle another woman's boobies. Seriously. She moves them around. Picks them up. Plops them down...for those women who have big enough boobs to plop down. Shifts them left. Nudges them right. Tugs them forward. And then smooshes them between two cold, unforgiving square something or others. One is glass and I can't remember what the other was. Metal I think. And yes...it hurt. Like a Mother Fucker. But, not as bad as I thought it was going to. Not even bad enough to have me dreading my next visit in 3 years. Don't get me wrong...I would have loved to be able to remove my tits and throw them at someone if it meant the 5 seconds of pain I did experience would stop. But, that being said, it honestly wasn't that bad. If I had a choice between getting my ta-tas fondled and then smashed every 6 months or go to the dentist, believe it or not, I would chose to have my ta-tas smashed every six months. I never thought I would say it but, I hate the dentist more than having my boobs barbarically mistreated between 2 cold hard surfaces.

Oh...and to answer the question about bigger versus smaller? Smaller hurts worse. If Righty could have screamed, she would have while Lefty might have just muttered a quiet "Ouch". So, for all of you big breasted women who say it hurts worse the bigger your ladies are...SHUT THE FUCK UP! I know from experience. I have both to draw from. It may hurt you but, I promise you that it hurts me worse and it hurts my right lady worse than my left one. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!