Business Barracuda

I am not the biggest Feminist in the history of the world but, as a lady, I stand up and applaud any woman who has made a success out of herself and her product, whatever that product may be. And, if you show me 5 successful business women, the one I will scream and cheer the loudest for will be the one who has made herself a successful business woman without being a Business Barracuda. Never heard that term before? You shouldn't have. I just made it up. I think it applies to the bitch I used to work for. Yea...I know. When a woman is successful in business she is considered a bitch. Believe me...I hate calling her anything derogatory. Like I said, I applaud the successful business women of this world because, like it or not, it is a man's world. But, I think that you can be a successful business woman without resorting to being a bitch. Unfortunately, the woman I used to work for never got that memo.

So, here is my story. I went from an easy, barely did much of anything kind of job run by two men, that I worked for for over 6 years, to a job run by a Chinese woman whose only real constant employees were her 22 year old son and her husband. I was a Temp and I worked my ass off for 5 months at that job trying to make permanent. And I really mean that. I learned so much and busted my ass every single work day at that job. My manager loved me. Granted, she and I had our moments but, she always told me what a "good worker" and a "hard worker" I was. She gave me way more than my fair share of stuff to do and taught me tons of stuff. And I loved it. I loved having more work than I could handle because it meant that I worked hard for my paycheck and I left that office every day with a sense of accomplishment. As I mentioned, the job that I had before the last one was very easy. I was the Administrative Assistant and it wasn't a very busy office. I answered the phones which, on some days, may not ring more than once an hour and sometimes, less than that. My two bosses weren't there that much, maybe an hour or two each day. Most days, and most of the day, I was the only person there. If the bosses needed me to do anything, they would call me and let me know what they needed. I would write up a quote based on the information they gave me. I did some data entry. I put together sample packs. I mailed and FedExed some stuff out now and then but, it really was the kind of job where you spend the majority of your time surfing the web, reading a book and occasionally, falling asleep when you were sick or getting sick. Don't get me wrong, I liked it enough to stay for 6 years until new management brought their Administrative Assistant and didn't have a place for me anymore. So, I moved on to a Temp job. I loved the ladies I worked with. I got along well with them all. But, there begins part of the reason that the Business Barracuda let me go. She didn't really want her employees to talk to one another. Not while we were working and not even after work. She had been known to let people go because she found out that they had exchanged phone numbers and had spent time hanging out together. And, I'm not talking about male/female relationships. I'm talking about friendships. She didn't want her employees to develop friendships. But, I'm sorry...that is impossible. When you work for 8 hours a day with people, you develop friendships with your co-workers. It is as natural as leaves on trees. It's a little thing called Human Nature. We are born to seek companionship. Not just physical companionship born out of emotional love for someone of the opposite, and sometimes same, gender. Companionship born out of the need to forge friendships with other people in the world. But, she couldn't tolerate it. So, we all tried to be friendly without pissing Business Barracuda off. A lot of good that did us.

I was a model employee. I was late only once and it was for a doctor's appointment which I told Business Barracuda about 2 weeks in advance. I never left early. I never took more than my 30 minutes for lunch break. Which, by the way, is illegal in the state of Georgia. Our employment law dictates that for every 8 hours of work an employee does, they get one half an hour lunch and two 15 minute breaks. Business Barracuda only allowed us one half an hour lunch. And, if you think that there was a way you could get around it, think again. She had cameras all over the office so, she knew where everyone was at all times. She knew when you came in in the morning, took your lunch break (there was a camera in the break room also), went to the bathroom (none in there but a few cameras in the hall) and left for the day. And, while no one ever found one, we were all fairly certain she had each office wired for sound because she had said specific things to a few other people referencing conversations we had had, that she could never have heard unless the rooms were wired for sound.

You might be on her good side for a few days. You would know that by the way she would acknowledge you. Either by a smile, a nod or she might actually joke around with you. But, in a blink of an eye you would be on her bad side. You would have absolutely no idea what you did to be on her bad side. Your work would be perfect. You would be obeying every single rule but, she would be as cold as ice to you. She wouldn't acknowledge you as you passed her in the hall. Either not by returning your smile, hello or nod. She may not even look at you if you two had lunch at the same time in the break room. If she did say something to you it might be snide and snarky. And, while she may approve of you for a few days, she would disapprove of you for no less than 2 weeks. She once despised me for an entire month. I really couldn't tell you what I did wrong.

Your physical appearance was under constant scrutiny. From your head to your toes and everything in between. I was told what it looked like when Business Barracuda approved of how you looked. She would either give you the elevator eyes followed by a smile and a nod or she would come into your office space, again with the elevator eyes and give you an actual thumbs up. I have been told by many people that I have great style. I won't deny that. I won't even try to be modest about it. I do have style. I like fashion and I would always bring my A game but, I never got Business Barracuda's approval. Of course, there is one thing I can improve on. I don't pay much attention to my feet. I don't mean as far as footwear. I am a shoe girl. What girl isn't? We can't help ourselves. Shoes rock our worlds. And, I am no exception to that rule. What I mean is my nails. I don't entirely love a pedicure. I did finally find a place that I could tolerate a pedicure from but, I have extremely ticklish feet. Not just the bottoms of my feet but the tops too. So, pedicures are like torture for me. And, having my toe nails painted seems like a waste of time and money. They are only going to chip within an hour of getting them done, I always end up getting some kind of nasty infection in my toe nails when I do have them painted so, why bother? But, in Business Barracuda's mind, you might as well be walking around with shit smeared all over your feet if you don't get regular pedicures. Not that she ever expressed that opinion in words. It was only written all over her face. So, I am the scum of the Earth.

So now the part where I tell you how ruthless Business Barracuda is. My nieces and nephew came for a visit. I had asked for the time off about a month before they came. They were coming on a Wednesday. I asked if I could work a half a day for the Wednesday so that I wouldn't miss most of their first day here. She was cool with me taking the time off. That Monday she told me to just take the entire Wednesday off. I could have used the money but, I was happy that I would be able to go with the hubby to pick the kids up. That Monday night she had my Temp agency call me and ask me to take all of my personal stuff home with me Tuesday after work. My radio, any pictures, whatever I had in my drawers. I had a sinking feeling as I asked my agency if I was losing my job. They said no. They told me that she said she just didn't want to be responsible for anything going missing or being broken while I was gone. I didn't believe her because I have a strong instinct and I am rarely wrong but, I was cautiously optimistic. So, I started my vacation after work Tuesday night. Had a wonderful day with the kids and my hubby Wednesday. Thursday we went tubing on the local river and I had a message on my cell phone from my temp agency to call them back, when we got back to the car. So, I took a deep breath knowing what I was about to hear and I made that call. Yup...I was through. But, not just me...2 other girls. Business Barracuda got rid of me and 2 other girls in the same week. She even asked my manager what she thought about getting rid of me and my manager told her she didn't want to lose me because I had done so much for the company. I had learned so much and I was an asset. My last day, I busted my butt there. I got everything done that needed to be done. I didn't leave anything for anyone to have to pick up my slack. Every pile was gone. All the filing was done. Every quote I was given was done to perfection. My desk was pristine. That bitch...I mean, Business Barracuda, canned me anyway. Since then, she has struggled to find a replacement and that was nearly a year ago. My manager quit and, while there were 11 total people in that office when she let me and my other 2 co-workers go, she has been struggling to keep any more than 4 employees, not including her hubby and her son.

So, that is a Business Barracuda. She is exactly the reason that people don't think that woman can run a company without being a bitch. It makes me sad to call her a bitch and a Business Barracuda. I would love to cheer loudly for her as a woman. But, sadly she feeds the stereotype.

Beer Goggles?

Nicole Forrester VS
Stacy Ferguson
Michelle "Bombshell" McGee VS
Sandra Bullock


Attention Jesse James and Josh Duhamel: What the fuck is wrong with you two? You infuriate me. I am not an expert at beautiful women but, come on. Anyone with vision can see how very beautiful Sandra Bullock and Stacy Ferguson are. So, what prompted you to cheat on your beautiful wives with the likes of Nicole Forrester and Michelle McGee? Was it Beer Goggles? Because that is the only way I can imagine that you could blank out on the beautiful faces of the women you idiots fall asleep next to each night and do some stupid scumbag crap with the likes of those two lesser attractive women. For a straight chic, I think I have pretty good taste in women and, neither Nicole Forrester, nor Michelle "Bombshell" McGee are a blip on my radar. Ok...I'll give Michelle props for her body but, of what I have seen of Sandra Bullock's body, she's pretty sexy. And Josh...you had to be smashed to think that Nicole was even remotely attractive. She isn't the ugliest woman on God's green Earth but, when compared to Fergie...for real?

So, how does that saying go? For every beautiful woman, there is some man that is sick of her shit. Well, how about this? For every man that is sick of a beautiful woman's shit, that beautiful woman is sick of his slimeball, cheating ass.

Not All That It Is Cracked Up To Be

I lost my job in June 2009 and that came off the heals of having lost a job that I had been with for 6+ years. I won't get into the story of my last 2 jobs and how or why I lost them here. I have another issue to discuss, bitch about and inform you all on right now. And, that subject is the myth that I am lucky that I don't have to work. Don't get me wrong...I am lucky to be in a position where my husband has the kind of career that can afford us the luxury of being a single income household and to be doing well. I am not trying to come across as spoiled or unappreciative. I really do appreciate my luck. But, staying home really isn't all that it is cracked up to be. My husband doesn't want me to work. At least, not right now. And, most everyone will tell me that I am lucky that I don't have to work. Of course, they tell me that because they have to get up early in the morning and do the daily routine of getting ready for work, going to a job they probably don't entirely love, working with some people they may hate, and coming home only to have to repeat that maybe 16 or so hours later. I get that. I've done the daily job grind. Now this is what people don't get about my "job". Yes, I am home every day. No, I don't have a set time I have to get up or a set time I have to be somewhere. But, I do set a time that I want to be up by because I feel like a loser if I don't get out of bed by then. And, I do have things that I do every day. Lonely, boring, same old same old, repetitive stuff. I get up, eat some breakfast, brush my teeth, get dressed, do my hair and makeup, get some coffee, goof off online for a bit, make the bed, clean the litter boxes, do the dishes, straighten up whatever needs to be straightened up around the house, goof off online some more, eat lunch alone, feed the dog, gather and take the trash out on trash day, run any errands the husband asked me to run for the day, make dinner, eat it alone, clean up after dinner while leaving the rest to sit and get cool until the husband gets home, clean up the rest of dinner, watch a little bit of TV with my husband, goof off online some more, shower and get ready for bed. Then, I do it all over again the next day. On Wednesdays and Thursdays I clean the house for an hour or an hour and a half a day. And on Fridays I vacuum and mop the house which can take me about 2 hours. This is my life. I don't do much else. And, I know that some people will still say that they would switch places with me but, believe me...after you have spent several months alone doing the same shit each day, you won't want to do it anymore.

For most people , work is just a paycheck. That is the way they think of it. But, take away the social interaction that people get with their co-workers and the interruptions that they get throughout the day with new tasks or just the few different things that they are given to do and then, yes...work can be just a paycheck. Work, to me, is a place you go to feel accomplished each day. A place you get to see other faces. Talk to other people. It is just me, my 3 cats and my dog here every single day. Now and then I get a lunch date with my husband or one of my friends but, it isn't like a job where you get to be away from your house every day and talk to your co-workers.

When was the last time you woke up excited about cleaning your house, your litter boxes, doing the dishes and making the bed? People think that I am on a permanent vacation. They are jealous of me. But, think for a second about how excited about cleaning your house you get when you have to do it and maybe you will think twice about being jealous of me.

Again, I am grateful for all that I have and for the ability to live the life I live but, this isn't a vacation. A vacation is fun. You go places. Do things. See people. Relax. What I do is lonely. It is repetitive. It is boring and I hate it. I love the sense of accomplishment a job gives me. When I walked out of the office each day, when I was employed, I felt good about myself. I worked hard and I did a fantastic job. Sure, my bosses were pains in the butt and some of the people I worked with sucked so bad both at their job and as a human, that I wanted to remove parts of my own body just so I could beat them with whatever I tore off. But, it wasn't lonely. Every day was interesting in one way or another. I had things to talk about. I had people to talk about those things with. Now I talk about the spider I saw in my sink. What my cats or my dog did the other day. A TV show I watched.

Work people. And don't take it for granted. Boredom and loneliness sucks. A lack of accomplishment wears on your ego. It is embarrassing to say "nothing" when someone you just met asks you what you do. I hate this. And, for the record, I want to kick you in the head when you tell me how lucky I am that I don't work and that I don't have to work. I would rather be working.

Guilty By Association

It has been awhile since I have harped on this person but, I have a new hatred for her. Who? Britney Spears. Yea, I know. What has she done to you lately? Well, she clouded my judgment which seems impossible but, she really did. Actually, I guess she really only clouded it a little. And, here is how. I chose to dislike Kevin Federline because of the bad press that she brought upon him. That being said, I did find myself often thinking that he was the better parent of the two nitwits. But, I still wasn't giving him full credit.

I am not saying he is a saint. He did cheat on his ex with Britney, while his ex was pregnant with their child. That will never be something he can take back and make right.

Why have I suddenly had a change of heart, or a bettering of a not entirely poor opinion of him? As I have said before, I have a bit of a weakness for reality TV and one of my on-again, off-again guilty pleasure shows is Celebrity Fit Club. I have not seen every season. At least, I don't think I have. But, I did catch this most recent season and Kevin Federline was one of the 8 celebrities in this season. He really is a good guy...cheating past not to be ignored but, bygones is the word of the day here. He owns his past mistakes. He is a hard worker. He's humble. And, the reason that people never got to see or hear his side of anything is because he is silent. If anyone would have given him a chance to come out of Britney's shadow, they might have seen the well intentioned person that he really is. If his agents would have given him the opportunity to say his mia culpas, all of the U.S. may have refrained from such names as "Federleazy". We would still have felt for Shar Jackson, his ex and the mother of some of his kids, but, they probably wouldn't have seen him as such a disgusting waste of a pound of flesh.

So, while it will likely not mean a darn thing to him, I do have new found respect for Kevin Federline and I fully believe that Britney Spears is the reason behind his bad reputation. He is not the bad boy that she and the media made him out to be.

Oh...and I wouldn't be doing my non-job if I didn't express my opinion on Britney's comeback, which I know I am a couple months late on talking about. I think it is crap. I don't believe that her crazy girl, slutty girl, trash bag past is behind her. I think that, as long as she stays under her father's conservatorship, she will appear normal and even healthy but, she isn't fooling me. She has shown a couple of times that when her father loosens the reigns just a little bit, she starts to slip. Questionable behavior starts to happen and her inner nut job whore starts to rear its ugly head. This is, of course, only my opinion. And, I hope for her sake, that I am proven wrong. I just see a very tragic Anna Nicole Smith type of a future for her. I truly will be happy to express my own mia culpa if I am proven wrong someday.

I Saw The Signs...

Is reality TV making us all experts at failed love? I must admit that, I have a small addiction to reality TV. I don't always watch them all and, there are some that I won't watch, some that I will watch religiously and, some that I only tune into if it happens to be on when I am channel surfing and can't find anything better. One such show is Little People, Big World. It is about a husband and wife who are "Little People" more commonly known as, but not entirely politically correct, dwarfs or midgets. I have tuned in now and then, throughout the years that they have been on the air and, over the course of the last season, they were showing some problems in their marriage. She had a speaking engagement and had told him about it. He insists she didn't tell him about it and made a plan for the family to go to the British Virgin Islands. In another episode, it was Mother's Day and their twins' 19th birthday and he planned to take a trip, by himself, to Maui, Hawaii. Who does that? It hurt her feelings but she said that she wasn't going to grovel and try to talk him into staying and celebrating Mother's Day and the twins' birthdays with her and their kids. He expressed a minor bit of regret for having planned his trip at that time but said that, and yes, he actually said this shit, sometimes it is a better gift to get out of her way and leave her alone to celebrate Mother's Day. He said, "Sometimes it's a vacation when I leave people alone. It's like, hey Amy, you know what your present is for Mother's Day this year, I'm gonna leave you completely alone." Way to justify leaving your wife on Mother's Day you jerk.

So, I see this marriage crumbling. I rarely watched John and Kate Plus Eight but, it seems the deterioration of their marriage may have been evident to their viewers before it actually ended. I can't help but feel like a little bit of an expert these day, while watching these shows.

And now for the next question...is reality television a curse on a marriage? I have seen the previews for the newest season's premiere episode and it appears that they are trying to take another family vacation and he is screwing it up for everyone. And, I have seen the previews for Tori and Dean's reality show about their relationship...it has a new name and I am too lazy right now to interrupt my own writing to see what name it is going by now...and it looks as though their relationship is a little bit rocky in the new season as well. Granted, he cheated on his ex-wife with her so, while I always hoped the best for Tori, I can't say that I would be shocked to open up People magazine and see that they had split up. And no, to my knowledge, they have not split up. I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

So, the moral of the story is, don't make your relationship public on TV. While your marriage without TV may have issues and may not always be perfect, and it may fail anyway...if you want a fighting chance, don't put it on the airwaves.