Yesterday sucked. My mom called me crying because her best friend's boyfriend died of a heart attack on the treadmill. He was 66 and in good shape and he just died. My mom and dad were really close to him as well. They were all about as thick as thieves so it was a day full of tears for both of them. They are older than both the man who had the heart attack and his girlfriend so, it was hard for them as it forced them both to look at their own mortality.
It is hard for me to handle my mom crying. There is nothing more heartbreaking than hearing my mom cry on the other end of the phone and being completely helpless as to how to cheer her up and comfort her. I've never been good at comforting others. As compassionate as I am, I never have the words to express my sincerest sympathies, nor do I have the words to help them feel better. I don't really think that there are words anyone could say to make a person feel better when they experience loss. I've experienced my fair share. When I was about 18, one of my friends died in a car accident. I was inconsolable. Just a little over 6 months ago, a friend of mine from college passed away suddenly. I don't know how he died and have not felt comfortable asking his widow, also a friend of mine from college, and there wasn't anything specific in the paper or online about how or why he died. So, of course there is speculation which only makes me feel worse about his death. I've lost all of my grandparents. And, like most people, I've lost pets. I know in light of human loss, some might think that something silly for me to mention but, I feel as strong of a bond to my pets as I do to any human, and sometimes and even stronger bond to my pets than some humans. So, for me it is as natural to count pets among my losses as it is to count relatives and friends. And, along with my parents' loss of their friend, one of my friends had to put her cat to sleep yesterday as well.
It wasn't just my mom and dad that felt the loss of their friend. My brother had grown close to him as well. They all hung out together at the marina where the couple and my parents all dock their boats and, that included my brother and his 3 year old daughter. So, while my parents were forced to face their own mortality, my brother was faced with something much more innocent and almost on the opposite side of the spectrum. He must now figure out how to explain death to his 3 year old as she often asked him when they could go play in their pool and hang out on their boat.
To put it as bluntly as I can...death sucks. Especially when it is senseless. How does a man who takes great care of himself just pass away while literally taking good care of himself? How does a guy who was maybe a year or so younger than me die? How does a teenager who has never even left the state in which he was born and hasn't even gotten to attend his prom, graduation or put his first step into college die driving from point A to point B? I'm pissed. I'm sad. And I want to understand the impossible to understand. But, for now, I guess I'll just have to settle for getting it off my shoulders.
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