This is my dear sweet gentle giant Frizbee. The cat is his tough sister Martini. This picture speaks volumes about Frizbee. He is the sweetest, most gentle being I have ever had the pleasure of sharing my home with. He is 10 years and 5 months old. And, this Saturday, October 22, 2011 my hubby and I will be saying Goodbye to him and sending him to Heaven. Over the past nearly 2 years, his health has started failing. On New Years Eve of 2009 we took him to the Vet because he had lost a lot of weight and was sick repeatedly throughout the day. We were told that his liver values were off the charts (literally...their machine couldn't register a number). They gave us medicine to help heal his liver and, while it has never been great, it did get a lot better. And, a few months ago, we started noticing blood on our carpets left behind when he would stand back up. Not terribly often so, we weren't entirely alarmed at first. About a month ago, we started noticing something was wrong with his rear end. I don't want to be vulgar so, I will do my best to explain things as well as I can without turning stomachs.
He has an aggressive form of cancer. There are 2 that his doctor suggested he might have. One is Lymphoma and, for the life of me, I can't remember the other one. She discussed options but, flat out said that, if he were her boy, she wouldn't put him through surgery. Backing up a bit, he had FHO surgery for his hip on June 1st. That was the second hip surgery he has had throughout his 10 years on this planet. His first was when he was under 1 year. His left hip went all kinds of wonky. What we were told, back then, was that he grew so big so fast that the ball of his hip bone wore the socket down flat. So, the doctor either removed the ball or filed it down. They were never clear and, we were just so happy that he was going to be ok that, we didn't ask for any more specifics. Basically, his right hip did the same thing so, he needed that one operated on this past June. The difference is that he is much older so, it has been a struggle for him to recover from that surgery. He has a really hard time walking on slick surfaces, such as our hardwood floors in our kitchen and foyer. He has a hard time getting up to a standing position anywhere in the house but, especially on the harder surfaces. And, since about a month before his surgery, he has not been upstairs in our house because he can no longer get up the steps.
Ok...so back to the present. Three weeks ago, his doctor diagnosed him with cancer. She drained the tumor and gave us meds to help try to keep the cancer under control and hopefully shrink it. We opted not to do surgery because his doctor said that it could do more harm than good.
Last Saturday, we took him to the Vet again to have the tumor drained, once again. Since then, things have gotten worse. He is constantly bleeding from the site of his tumor. He is having an even harder time getting up and moving around. And, because of the amount of blood that I am having to clean up, we have no choice but to keep him in the kitchen where it is easier for me to clean up with a mop. But, that has him depressed because he can't move around the rest of the house. I am doing everything I can to keep him comfortable and at least a little less depressed. I have basically moved myself into the kitchen with him. I do my work in the kitchen, I watch TV from the kitchen. I do everything but sleep in the kitchen. And, when I do take a moment, other than sleep, out of the kitchen, he whines and cries for me. He is breaking my heart and, my spirit has taken a huge hit over this entire situation as well.
Last night, I had the difficult conversation with my hubby about sending Frizbee to Heaven. I will miss him but, I can't bare watching him, day in and day out, like this anymore. I can't take the abuse to my heart and my spirit anymore. And, I feel like Frizbee is ready to say goodbye and go hang out with other fur babies up there.
I feel like, as much as it is going to hurt, and as many tears as I am preparing myself to shed this weekend, I will also be relieved when he is gone. I bare a heavy weight in my heart because of the pain I think he must be in. I bare the spirit breaking pain each time I mop up his blood. I bare a physical weight when I have to help lift his 100 pound body up off the floor and hold him steady while he gets his feet planted so that he can walk outside or get a drink of water. He can't take this life anymore and I don't have anymore big pieces of my heart to break.
Please say a prayer for my sweet dog, Frizbee. And please say a prayer to give me the strength to let him go.
